Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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