3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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