my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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