Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
