i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
