Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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