Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
