i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
