Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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