dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
