that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
