Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
