these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
