Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
