and she was petting her beer can
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
