Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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