we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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