i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
