Ketchup is God's man juice
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
