We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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