Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
