I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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