I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
