I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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