sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
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Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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