You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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