Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
