Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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