Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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