Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
