you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
