You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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