I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
