I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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