No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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