I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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