I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
