This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
