is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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