Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
