My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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