god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
third nipple confirmed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
