She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
