So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)