I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
