Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.