And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.