Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.