Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.