Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked