You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
