so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
