I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
