I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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