A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't make out with my wife yet
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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