everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
