We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
