Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
