after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
