I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
