He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
