Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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