Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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