Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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