I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
