This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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