You're so nebulous sometimes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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