tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We have so much sex to catch up on
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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