Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize