I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
