Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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